Wednesday, September 21, 2016

In Which I Update my Circumstances

I moved from Florida (apparently, I can't do large cities) back in with my mom in Michigan in March. We got a car, which I am driving much better than I thought I would (haven't driven since I was 15). Thanks, years of video games!

I was fired August 18th.  I was told bereavement wouldn't count against me; I just wouldn't be paid for those days.  I was told this by personnel.  Well, apparently they do count (eventually, because I checked and they were not on my record).  The next day I got sick, I was fired outright.  No coaching, no warning, nothing.

I did not fight it.  I don't want to be there.  If I'd known they could hold up my unemployment pay for at least a month, I might have fought it.  Fight for a job in retail that was killing me slowly?  How twisted and sick is that?

I haven't been so happy since I was in college.

September 9th, I published part 3 of my series.

September 18th, I published part 4.

September 27th, I will (just kidding!... maybe).

Happy Equinox everyone!

In Which There is Ranting about Hypocrisy and Love

Why is it easier for people who claim this is a Christian country to support killing people halfway across the world than it is to feed and shelter those at home?  To want for them to be healthy and healed?  If you value your money/things more than someone else's life, you are no Christian.

Those people have remade God in their own image.  They must be questioned, their corruptions brought to light.  Why accept the bold faced lies that are used to manipulate the population into compliance?  Can so many so-called Christians forget the one thing Christ said was more important than all others:  "love thy neighbor as yourself."   I'm not a Christian by any terms, but that is what I aim for on the daily.  That is the goal of life, the universe, and everything.  Love thy neighbor.

Love them because they are you. Love because it is the only way to unify and heal.  Love whether or not they deserve it but because of the person you are. Love because of the person you wish to become. Love because it is the only way to peace, equality, and real freedom.   Love until you forget about you and just become love itself.

The teachings of religions have the potential to unite people, but they are used as tools to divide us. Rather than cloister ourselves within the exclusive walls of particular faiths, why can't we just agree that we value life?  When I see the news, I see human suffering in an astounding array of forms.  It does not matter where, it does not matter who, what nation, what color, what thoughts they have about the history of humankind or the nature or preferences of the creator (which, by the way, would have created EVERYONE, if you believe there's only one God).

It doesn't make any sense to me.  Have your faith, have your beliefs, fine, but if you think you have the right to kill someone because they disagree with your beliefs, it makes you as equally radical as they are.

If your God is Christ, bloody well act like it.  Get your little egoic self out of the way and be love.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

In Which Love is Discussed

When we fall in love with someone, it is our own feelings that we get so caught up in.  We get hooked on what we feel in response to them.

There can be an adjustment period, where we really learn how this other person is as the boundaries lower and we become closer. 

Our love can deepen and expand, where we appreciate their little quirks and idiosyncrasies and truly admire this person.  And it can be mutual and beautiful. 

Of course it exists, and of course it is real, but it's in us, always in us.  Our ideas of reality,  of what the other person feels or thinks can be flawed, but our love isn't really misdirected; it's just that sometimes we don't realize that the light/love we see shining from someone is really our own.

Some people blaze their own sunlight right back at you.  It really does exist.  It's no guarantee things will work out, unfortunately, regardless of how powerfully you both feel, but it exists.

You know that song,  "if you love somebody, set them free"?  It's one of those things that always struck me as being true, and it made it easier to let people go.  If I love someone, I always want what is best for them, and to let them make their own choices.  If they choose to stay with me, wonderful.  If they choose their own path away from me, I respect it, even if it hurts.  I wish them the best on their way.  It's also helped me respect my own choice to leave when a relationship had run its course.

We don't choose how we feel, but we can choose how we act on those feelings.

We never know what someone has planned when they come into this world, and maybe our paths coincide for a long time, or maybe only briefly.  Maybe they came into our lives to show us how profound our own hearts can be,  when the light of our own love can be so brilliant we think everything else is shining too.

If you cultivate your own light, eventually it's not going to be such a heartbreak when you don't see someone shining back at you, because you can see your own way.  You won't need a lighthouse in the distance to reach for, because you are your own sun.

So many of us confuse want, need, attachment, and control for love.  Love is an outward radiation.  It is light.  It is not something we need from other people to fill ourselves--if we look at it from that perspective, we will always be disappointed.  We will feel as though no one reaches us because we're not meeting their light with our own.  And if we are busily radiating our love, there is little darkness left within us.

Note: this was initially a reply on Facebook but I considered it relevant enough to make into a post.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

In Which I React to Cosmic Disclosure (Gaiam TV/Gaia)

I was going to mention this in a comment on the Gaia TV show Cosmic Disclosure, but I didn't want people to think I was trying to grab attention for my stories or anything--and besides, only one of them is published at the moment anyway.  So I'll leave it here.

Last week's episode covered some of the internal races living in the Earth, and when Corey said there was a race called the "Derro" I shouted, "what?!?" and rewound, turned the volume up and tried not to get freaked out when I realized I'd heard him correctly.

In the fantasy/sci-fi series I've been writing since I was about fifteen, there is a race of beings who live in the planet called the "derrin."  They're not the elephant faced people described in the episode.  I imagined them looking more like a cross between a grey and a human but a little more stooped, but no one has seen them for centuries because they left the physical and only interact with the surface population telepathically through emissaries (a clan of Draige called the Emer).

In my stories there are also what just look like simple altars, a solid stone block, but you can interface with it mentally/spiritually.  They're actually called consciousness interface devices, or CIDs, and were used to attune people to higher states of consciousness, or, in the case of more selfish and insidious leadership, to brainwash/program everyone during this initiation everyone underwent to become an adult.

The thing that mentally nags me the most in Comsic Disclosure is the description of the smart glass pad, because in the story that I still haven't completed (I started it in 2008 or 09?) there are tablets that people use, and later in the story the holographic component had been figured out (one character, Caelais, has one that looks like a piece of glass that only one of the other characters, Zyll, innately knows how to use) but Zyll finds this box in her attic that her father supposedly left (she never met him) with documents and photographs of secret facilities, including a drawing of herself at her current age, even though she didn't even remember meeting her father.  Also in the box was this little flexible rectangle of plastic (but they don't have plastic on that planet, for some reason) that has a bit of a wobble to it that I imagined looking like plexiglas.  I was going to have that as a more advanced tablet, but it's been so hard to write that book.  Usually I can get a draft out in about a month or two, but I was stuck on that one for two years before I decided to just go edit and publish the older stories in the series.

In one of the other stories set into current time, there's a character who is switched between the two souls sharing his body by this tone signature/flashing light, sometimes over the phone.  He doesn't remember until later in the story, but he's an experiment of splitting spirits/consciousness and putting them into other bodies to be activated when needed.  There are always portals and other lives in my stories, but that's pretty normal fantasy fare.

Any time something comes out that's in one of my stories, I'm kicking myself for not publishing them sooner.  By the time I get them out there all this stuff will be science fact instead of fiction.

Also, I'm one of those people who have seen orbs of light as a child, which was described as Corey as a sort of awakening tool for Wanderers, so that verification was awesome.

I intended to just post up to this point, but when I realized I was actually kind of afraid to mention it, I figured it was a pretty good reason to do so.  I have a few weeks of my junior year of high school that I don't quite remember.  I took the ASVAB pretty much to get out of class.  It was a low income area, so we constantly had military recruiters trying to prey on the kids.  The Navy recruiter gave me a copy of the video game Resident Evil 2, and I was afraid to put it in my Playstation because I was afraid there was something running in the software.  I ended up playing it, but I never saw him again to give it back.  Later, one of his superiors called and asked me if he'd been pushy or too insistent or something, but I said no, he hadn't been, I just wasn't interested in joining the military.  I didn't ever want to hurt anyone or enable someone else to harm others.

And then one day I was sitting in class, reading a book, and I looked up realizing I didn't quite know where I'd been.  And I couldn't remember the day before specifically, or even any moment specifically in the last few weeks.  No one mentioned anything about me being gone, so I assume I was there.  I didn't remember getting up, what I'd had to eat the day before, if I'd talked to my mother, what we talked about in chemistry class, nothing.  I only remembered the book I was reading, which one of the teachers had loaned me.  I just kind of shrugged it off and went on.

It didn't start to bother me until this girl came up to me in a Jimmy John's one night and sat down and talked to me for the next four hours and told me about getting electroshock treatments that wiped her memory of the prior few weeks.  I mentioned my few weeks of time I couldn't quite account for, and she got wide eyed and said, "I hope no one hurt you."

So in Cosmic Disclosure when David mentioned the Mars Records, I decided I had to read them, but I couldn't read much at a time.  I'm a very fast reader, but I just couldn't do it.  I got a horrible headache after reading a few minutes, and I keep going back to try to get more and more, but I was sick for weeks and just at the thought of it my neck hurt.  I don't know if I'm picking up the feeling of the person in the book itself, or if it was my own feeling.

Note:  I wrote this several weeks ago and saved it as a draft... and then forgot about it. I want to go through later (when I have internet besides just my phone) and add links.