In Which I Get Honest About Writing

Writing is the thing for me.  It is the only thing that I have ever always wanted to do.  I went to school for it, I am tens of thousands of dollars in debt for it, I am dedicated.  It is the meaning of life for me, and I don't think I ever let myself state that in such a way and really feel the repercussions of that realization.

I have this series of stories that part of me is pretty convinced is an alternate reality (well, it would have to be) that an aspect of my soul is/has/will experienc/ing/ed/e.

It's... gosh, I don't know, nine or ten stories, maybe more.  The series follows a family of souls across various incarnations, planets and planes.  It mostly focuses on the Elder of Sight/Seer, who is just fated to be intrinsically linked to the Oracle of Laki, the Lady of Light.  S/he is plagued by the Oracle of Daki, the force of the darkness/unknown/fear/illusion, is drawn to the Elder of Fire, and sees himself in the Elder of Water, the first mirror.

It all fits with the aspect of how these things relate to sight, and it happened without my ever planning it consciously.  The subconscious is beastly with this stuff.  I've found foreshadowing for a storyline I started writing last year in a story I wrote fifteen years ago.  I mean.  Dude.

If I get this series to a state of satisfactory perfection, I can die without regrets.  Seriously, and jokingly, that is how I really think, deep down.  I don't know how I can let myself talk me out of thinking about this being the meaning of my life, because it is the visible story to my invisible journey.  This is how my spirit evolves, right along with the characters.

I do have the part of my mind that likes to dismiss all sorts of meaning into the obliterating clear light of nothingness, knowing how much my success at accomplishing this series is tied into ego satisfaction.  But you know what? So what?  It doesn't matter if my ego likes it or not, because the ego doesn't matter.

This is what I feel I came to Earth to do, and deep down, I am always going to believe that until I have done it.